


look in my eyes and know i'll always stay

by binchmarner



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Engagement, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Post-Trade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-07-02
Packaged: 2020-06-02 17:35:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19446307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/binchmarner/pseuds/binchmarner
Summary: JT hears about it at lunch.It feels like glass in his skin, jagged and cutting deep.Alexander Kerfoot traded to the Toronto Maple Leafs.





	look in my eyes and know i'll always stay

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not okay!!!! i am not okay!!!!! but i did this so i will maybe one day be okay!!! 
> 
> if you know anyone in this story or clicked on this story because you see your name, please, please click away.
> 
> title based off of [run away](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MV27NJwIA2c) by ben platt.

JT hears about it at lunch.

It feels like glass in his skin, jagged and cutting deep.

_**Alexander Kerfoot traded to the Toronto Maple Leafs.** _

It’s Jesse’s fucking birthday, he’s gotta be okay. He _has_ to, but he moves to excuse himself from the table anyway. 

“I’ve gotta--I’ve gotta go,” JT says, and Morgan rests her hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, I--”

“It’s okay. Go, he needs you,” she says, smiling. He doesn’t know how she always knows when he’s not okay, but he knows that right now he’s shaking and he’s visibly trying not to cry.

“Honey, go, don’t worry about us,” his mother says.

JT looks up at Jesse, and Jesse’s face is bittersweet, almost knowing. JT wonders what she’s already been through with Team USA.

“Go, he needs you like you need him,” Jesse says, reaching forward and resting her hand on top of his. “Do that thing you were telling me about.”

JT shakes his head. “I can’t. I can’t he’s--”

“Distance doesn’t mean anything, you know that. Just try, okay?” Jesse asks, squeezing his hand. JT laughs wetly, and a tear falls down his cheek. “He’s not gone, you know that.”

“He’s not?” JT asks, and he hates how broken he sounds. He knows Alexander isn’t gone, he knows, or at least, he thinks he does. His dad reaches over and grabs his shoulder, shaking it in the way that JT knows means _it’s going to be okay._

“No, he’s not. Now go, we’ll be okay,” his dad says. JT looks at his family, in the middle of lunch--a celebration--and he sighs.

“Thanks, guys. I love you,” JT smiles. 

“We love you too, buggy,” his mom says, and kisses his temple.

\---

He buys his ticket and heads for the airport, cursing the entire way there. It’s a six and a half hour flight, more expensive than he’d usually buy because it’s the same day and it’s a nonstop, but he needs to see Alexander _now._

He makes a post on Instagram, something about looking for a new roommate, and it _hurts,_ because he doesn’t want anyone else. It feels wrong and rude to even think about a replacement. 

Alexander is part of them. Alexander is his. 

He makes a joke because thinking about making a heartfelt comment seems personal, it would give too much away, and if he starts talking about the last three years with him, JT would never stop.

He _loves_ Alexander and he doesn’t know what he’s going to do without him.

JT’s sitting in the waiting area for the plane, looking out the window when his phone rings. He knows who it is before he even picks up, and his heart twists all over again.

“Baby,” JT says, answering the phone immediately. He can hear Alexander’s breath shudder in the phone. “Baby I know, it’s going to be okay.”

“No, it’s not. I’ve been traded,” Alexander sounds like he’s on the verge of breaking down all over again. “I talked to Tyson and he’s on the way, but I just, I want you here, I want you both here. I thought--”

There’s a breath, a shaky breath and JT’s stomach drops, his blood runs cold. “I thought I was good enough for the team.”

“I can fight him if you want, request to be traded to the Leafs, I--you’re not a bad player, 'Xander,” JT’s voice cracks, he wishes he wasn’t doing this in public, he wishes he was with Alexander, he wishes he didn’t even have to have this conversation, he wishes--

“No, you just, I’m sorry. You’re on vacation, this really fucked that up,” Alexander laughs, and it’s bitter, it’s not warm like it usually is. JT hates it.

“I’m on my way home,” JT says, and Alexander makes a wounded noise that makes JT hurt all over again.

“What? But you’re in Hawaii,” Alexander says, and JT doesn’t even know how to begin to answer that.

“Hawaii’s always going to be there, I want to be with my partner right now,” JT says. “You’re at home, yeah?”

“Yeah, I was training for next season,” Alexander says, his voice soft. 

“I’ll be home in a little while. Text Tyson, okay? He’s still in Denver, he’s taking Dante around town, showing him hiking trails and everything,” JT says. Alexander’s sucks in a breath.

“I really wanted to win a cup with you, Jay.”

“I know, baby. Me too.”

What else can he say but the truth?

\---

The flight is long, the seats were uncomfortable. JT spends the entire time writing out a speech, and getting nowhere and wishing he were better with words.

 **From josty:** Put it back.jpeg

JT smiles and opens the text thread.

 **To josty:** what are we going to do?

 **From josty:** look for another roommate? I heard cale’s looking.

 **To josty:** ha ha funny.

 **To josty:** not what i meant.

 **From josty:** do you have the ring?

JT takes a breath. He thinks about the ring box he has in the pocket of one of his suits.

 **To josty:** can i do that?

 **From josty:** you and i both know he’s been waiting

 **To josty:** no i mean

 **To josty:** is it too late?

 **From josty:** do you love him?

 **To josty:** what kind of question is that

 **To josty:** of course i do

 **From josty:** he’ll only be an airplane ride away.

JT puts his headphones on and locks his phone, and tries to sleep.

\---

The airport in Denver is a mess, which is to be expected. He takes an uber back home, ignoring the high prices because he’s almost _home._

The uber pulls up, and he thanks the driver, pulls out his suitcase, and runs up to the door. He walks in the house and all of the tension he’s been carrying for the past twelve hours dissipates.

He smells green tea. Snickerdoodles. 

He hears a tv show playing on a low volume.

JT’s home, he’s _home,_ and he’s never going to leave again. 

He doesn’t expect Alexander to be up, JT expects him to be asleep, but sure enough, Alexander is curled up under a blanket on the sectional, watching _Archer,_ their feel good, “watch when we’re sick” show.

“Hey, you,” JT says, and his voice is all choked up again. “Didn’t think you’d be up.”

Alexander sniffs. “Wanted to see you. Tyson and Dante went to sleep about a half hour ago, and I told him I was okay, but I--”

“I know,” JT says, walking in and sitting next to Alexander in one movement. He holds Alexander close, and kisses his hair. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Alexander says. He waits a moment and then says, “What’s going to happen to us?”

“What do you mean?” JT asks, though he’d been anticipating this. He still hates the way it makes him want to throw up, he hates the way it makes him want to cry. 

“I’m going to be in _Toronto,_ I mean like, that’s really, really far,” Alexander’s voice cracks, and it’s soft and small. He sounds so _young._ JT takes a deep breath.

“Nothing’s going to happen if you don’t want it to happen,” JT says, rocking them just a bit. “If you want it to--”

“No,” Alexander says, and it sounds like he’s trying so hard to not sob. “No. I want to be with you, for as long as you’ll have me.”

JT smiles. He closes his eyes and rests his cheek on Alexander’s hair. “Then marry me.”

Alexander turns around in JT’s arms. “What?” 

“You heard me: marry me, Alexander Kerfoot,” JT smiles, and there are tear tracks staining his face, and the tension in his shoulders is back and he kind of wants to cry right now, but then Alexander smiles.

He really, truly, _smiles._

“You--really?” Alexander asks, sounding disbelieving, as if JT would ever propose to him. 

“Yes, really. Marry me. I love you, and just because you’re going to be far away, doesn’t mean you’re always going to be far from me. Isn’t there that saying _home is where you are_ or something like that?” JT asks. “You’re mine, Alexander. I love you. Toronto or not, you’re always going to be part of me. I’m not going to run away because you’re far.”

Alexander’s smile is blinding and he’s crying again, but JT thinks, or at least hopes they’re happy tears. 

“You’re an idiot. I love you so much,” Alexander says, leaning up to press a kiss to JT’s lips. It’s sweet from the cookies and the tea, and wet from their tears, and JT hopes Alexander realizes that it’s always going to be okay.

“I’m gonna need a yes or a no,” JT says, pulling away just enough, resting his forehead against Alexander’s.

“Yes, of course,” Alexander says, and his laugh is broken, not quite rid of its bitter taste, but the warmth is shining through again. “Of _course_ I’ll marry you.”

“I can go get the ring, it’s--” JT points down the hall to their room but Alexander shakes his head.

“No. Just sit with me for a while,” Alexander says, and curls into JT. JT winds his arms around Alexander’s waist.

He makes a note to text Tyson a thank you, and to tell him the news. 

Tomorrow’s gonna be a big day.


End file.
